


Please Kill Me

by RancidVigor87



Category: Drake & Josh
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:28:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22741015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RancidVigor87/pseuds/RancidVigor87
Summary: Drake is trying to chill on a hot summer, and Josh is annoying.That's basically it.





	Please Kill Me

It was a hot summer day. 

Drake just wanted to sit in front of the idiot box with a can of soda and some ice cubes in his shirt.

But that wasn't about to happen. Josh, as usual, was out to ruin his day.

"It's such a beautiful day out!" he was saying, getting all in Drake's face. "Don't you wanna go outside and hang out?"

"How many 'outs' were in that sentence?" Drake asked dryly.

"Huh? Oh, Drake. Come on, don't be a killjoy! The sun's shinin', and it's time to -"

"Chill out indoors where there's fucking AC!" growled Drake.

Josh gasped. "Duh-rake!" he said, folding his arms. "Cursing isn't nice!"

"Whatever." Drake rolled his eyes. "I don't wanna hang outside today. It's 96 degrees, I'll get heat stroke. And you'd BETTER not go out there, you'd fall flat before you even got a foot out the door."

"Are you jabbin' at my weight, brother?" Josh was offended.

"I'm just stating a fact."

"Well, I guess we could have fun inside." Josh said, cheery and chummy again. "What do you want to do?"

Drake gritted his teeth. Telling Josh he shouldn't go outside might've been one of his worst ideas.

"Let's just watch some TV." he said.

"Okay." Josh plumped himself down next to Drake, getting so close that their shins were practically squeezed together. In his twisted-up square mind, this was brotherly togetherness, but Drake just found it a drag.

There was a hot chick in a pink bikini on the TV screen, running across the beach. Drake started to smile, but then the title of the movie came up - "Another Teen Beach Movie, brought to you by Moldy Pajamas." 

(If you didn't know, Moldy Pajamas is the place you turn to if you want to be up to your eyeballs in cutesy-wutesy shit.)

"Oh, fu - funnybones." Drake quickly improvised on seeing Josh's face. "Let's move."

"Didn't you like the first Teen Beach movie? I thought it was great!" whined Josh.

"Are you serious?" Drake's eyebrows were raised almost off his forehead. Sure, Josh could be dorky, but Teen Beach Movie? Nobody with a brain cell could like that.

"There was this really cool magic show in the middle of it," Josh explained, seeing Drake's look. "Mr. Cando Peprehog made a cameo. You know, Peprehog the Best!"

"You mean Peprehog the Pest." Drake couldn't resist it, even though he didn't have a clue who the dude was.

But Josh took his statement for interest, bloody with sarcasm as it was, and he started explaining in gross detail what Mr. Peprehog did in his magic shows. And once he'd started, there was no stopping him. 

"I've got to pee."  
"Okay! I'll stand outside the door."

"I've got to get something from the kitchen."  
"Okay! I'll talk louder!"

"OmiGod, I'm late for a meeting!"  
"Okay! We can talk while you drive there!"

"Josh, you're being a tool."  
"Thanks, Drake!"

Okay, so he hadn't tried THAT one before, but he was pretty sure that was how it'd go down.

He considered going to their room, but Josh would just follow him and besides, their air conditioner was busted and was leaking in warm air from outside. And if he had to be tortured, there was no way he wanted it coming from two directions at once.

"And then, Peprehog took a rabbit out of his magic hat of mystery -" Josh was getting excited now, gesturing and grinning like a clown - "But it wasn't any old rabbit. It was the rabbit of the apocalypse! Ready to bring a deadly reign of terror across all of Earth by stealing our precious stores of carrots! What will the human race do without their vital beta karotene!?"

"Please kill me." thought Drake.

END.

**Author's Note:**

> This was more of a test work, my first story on A03. Leave a review if you liked it! Leave two if you didn't, it's all good!


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